“Rhode Island, Boston, North Carolina, Nashville, Connecticut, South Carolina, DC, Virginia, Maryland, Ocean City, Indiana,” says Mike. His voice trails off, suggesting this is not the complete list; he’s just run out of breath and needs to pause.
Mike’s little brother, Richard, was dying. Yet, instead of retreating to a quiet room to wait out his final days, he chose the road. With Mike at his side, Richard was determined to live every moment to its fullest, all while receiving hospice care.
Looking back, Richard’s Hospice of the Piedmont nurse, Jenny, admits, “There were times that it did not seem like a very good idea to do this as Richard was extremely ill. In fact, sometimes it looked like Weekend at Bernie’s. Mike would strap Richard into his truck, and off they’d go. They always came back in one piece, thankfully, with stories to share and smiles on their faces.”
This is their story: two brothers who were always close and how their hospice experience strengthened their bond, with memories from some of their favorite road trips sprinkled in.
Brothers
Their story begins in California, where Richard was born, in 1975, when Mike became a big brother.
Mike doesn’t remember many details of their childhood. Richard was the one who kept all the memories. “My brother knew everything. He could tell you everything about it if you asked him a question.”
But there are pictures from their childhood: Mike wearing his dad’s hat and Richard in his dad’s Vietnam boots.
When their dad finished serving with the Marines, the family moved to Indiana. Mom taught Latin and French for a while, but eventually, both of their parents went to work in the factory.
Boston
On one of their road trips, Mike took Richard to Boston for the 250th Anniversary of the Boston Tea Party. The event was elaborate, with actors playing roles from British soldiers to colonial rebels. Mike and Richard threw themselves into the spectacle. They yelled about taxes and shouted, “Down with the King!”
Richard, though weak, managed to keep up and enjoyed the chaos. “We went out into Boston Harbor and threw tea into the Bay and stuff like that,” Mike says. “Well, I did. My brother just stood back a few paces. He wasn’t feeling well at that point. He was still happy, though.”
Growing Pains
Both brothers started out in construction. “We’ve always been good with our hands. We built houses together in South Carolina for a while,” explains Mike.
Eventually, Mike tired of the ups and downs of the house-building business and became an electrician, traveling all over the East Coast for work.
A younger Richard. Ready to drive.
In 2003, driving back from a job in Kansas, Mike stopped off in Indiana to visit Richard. He explained he was coming to Virginia to work on the Women’s Center at Reston Hospital. He asked Richard if he wanted to join him.
“Hell yeah, let’s go,” said his little brother.
It was in Virginia that Mike met Michelle, the woman who would become his wife. The couple moved in together within a few months. And then Richard moved in, too. That’s how close they were. Richard lived with Mike and Michelle for the first four years of their relationship. Then Richard branched out on his own.
Even when Richard moved out, “They always kept in touch,” says Michelle. “Mike would travel hours to see him, and Richard would come to stay and have dinners.”
North Carolina
“My brother is a fanatic about boats,” says Mike. When the boys were young, their grandparents would take Richard to visit Navy ships around the country. So, when Mike’s work took him to the Wilmington area, Richard suggested they visit the USS North Carolina together.
Ever the electrician, Richard was most interested in the ship’s wiring. Mike remembers, “He’s like, ‘You gotta see this. You gotta see this.’ We were looking at everything electrical on these boats. Richard was just amazed by that.”
ER
In 2023, Richard’s circumstances took a turn. He had a bitter divorce and was living alone in a trailer in West Virginia. Mike recalls the day his mother called, saying, “There’s something wrong with your brother; you need to go get him and find out what’s going on.”
Mike drove to Richard’s trailer, finding him in a dire state. “He was on the floor, having a seizure,” Mike says. Richard had been in and out of the Emergency Room for alcoholic cirrhosis but struggled to get the care he needed.
Without hesitation, Mike brought Richard back to Virginia, determined to take care of him. That’s when doctors told Richard that he had six months to live.
Nashville
“The thing about Richard was, he always went for the food,” explains Michelle. “There was a corndog guy on the corner in Nashville.”
Mike begins to laugh, “We went to Nashville a few times. And the first thing on his mind – out of all the restaurants and all the fancy food we ate – the number one thing was this guy with the little vendor cart. Every time I said we’re going to Nashville, he would perk right up and say, ‘We’re gonna go get a corn dog.’”
“And normally, he didn’t even like corndogs,” laughs Michelle.
Full House
Not long after bringing Richard back to Virginia, Mike and Michelle realized they needed help. Based on Michelle’s previous experience with Hospice of the Piedmont when her mother was ill, they decided to enroll Richard in hospice care.
“It was awful to watch Richard go through the tremors and the pain, and dealing with the emergency room doctors and the liver doctors. I knew there was better care out there,” explains Michelle. She told Richard, “We need to get you the doctors who are looking to care for people who are passing so we can get you comfortable.”
“When we met the team from Hospice of the Piedmont, it was like Richard had an extension of the family. They were always there. They were always talking. They were constantly reaching out. We got so used to them being at the house and becoming part of Richard’s life,” says Mike.
Jenny, Richard’s nurse, remembers meeting the family, too. “The first time Dr. Mann and I sat at the kitchen table with Richard, Mike, and Michelle, it was like being at a comedy club. We laughed so hard we could hardly breathe. Mike and Richard were like Cheech and Chong or the Three Stooges.”
New York
Mike and Richard on the set of “Gutfeld!”
Richard loved the late-night political satire show “Gutfeld!” with Greg Gutfeld, so the brothers hit the road again, this time to New York to be part of the live studio audience. Mike snapped a photo of his brother with Gutfeld, “That was a great moment for him.”
“Richard always seemed to come back in better shape than when he left,” says Michelle. “The human spirit is strong. He always said, ‘I’d love to do this one more time.’ He never let hospice limit him. And when he traveled, his spirit was raised.”
Who’s the Boss?
Even as Richard’s health deteriorated, he continued to go to work with Mike. Other guys sometimes were confused when they saw Richard sitting in a chair watching Mike work.
Mike laughs again, “Somebody would ask him, ‘Who are you?” And Richard would say, ‘I’m his boss.’ And everybody on the job site thought he was the boss because he didn’t pick up a tool, didn’t do any work, and was just sitting there watching.”
Although they had worked together for years, they’d never been on a job together from beginning to end. Then Mike got a job renovating a small commercial building. He brought Richard along, and even though Richard was too sick to work, he’d still help out in small ways where he could.
The job took months to complete as different trades took turns renovating the building one step at a time. “He took great pride in that job because it was during his transition from living to living while dying,” says Michelle.
“It was the first job we ever started together and then ended together,” explains Mike. “My brother and I were such perfectionists. It was just a wonderful, wonderful time.”
Connecticut
“I would put together this crazy lunch box with Richard’s medications,” explains Michelle. It became another piece of luggage with medicine organized by date and time.
Michelle would contact his nurse, Jenny, to ensure he had enough medicine for the next week. Jenny would also alert a local hospice team whenever the brothers took a trip that a patient would be in their area.
Mike explains, “We were constantly calling Jenny saying, ‘We’re going here, we’re going there.’ And Jenny was like, ‘Oh my goodness, you guys are all over the place.’”
Richard wanted his freedom, but he got confused sometimes, especially towards the end. “We’d put notes in his pocket,” says Michelle. The note would have Richard’s name, room number, and Mike’s phone number. No matter where they went, Richard seemed to have a knack for finding his way back to the hotel concierge. “The hotel would get him to Mike or back to his room,” she says.
Cheers
Even when Richard was home, Mike and Michelle didn’t like the idea of limiting him.
“I have four brothers, and they have a lot of kids themselves,” explains Michelle. One brother lived five minutes away. “Mike and Richard would go back and forth. And there was Richard with his little pee bag. He didn’t care. He just went and enjoyed the people and the company,” says Michelle.
Richard was also close to Mike and Michelle’s kids. Their sons made a plan to get tattoos, and Mike was inspired. He decided to get a tattoo with his sons and his brother.
They went to the tattoo parlor. “We got there way too early,” explains Mike. “We sat out in the parking lot like we were at a tailgate party. We were there all day – for like 8 or 9 hours. We ate junk food. My brother had a couple of beers. My brother wanted to get a tattoo, but he couldn’t because he would just bleed out as soon as you stuck him with a needle.”
That was their last adventure together – getting tattoos together as a family.
Ocean City
“Richard was born in California, so he was always an ocean guy,” explains Mike. Their last trip was to Ocean City. “It was too cold to get in the water. Plus, he was so frail and weak, the ocean probably would have taken him away.”
The two brothers sat on the back deck of their hotel room and bundled up underneath a blanket. “I just snuggled up next to him. I had my arm around him. He had his head on my shoulder. We were watching the ocean.”
Richard smiled. He was content. “It was so weird. I had never seen him at peace like that before. Calm. Still. That last trip was what he really needed.”
Family Ties
Eventually, it got to a point where Richard couldn’t leave the house, but he’d still watch TV in the living room with the family. “I’d carry him from the bedroom to the chair. I’d carry him like a child,” remembers Mike.
Richard lived six months longer than people expected him to. “I really think that had to do with the adventures that we took,” Mike says. “Even though he was dying, he lived. He lived life on his own terms and did what he wanted. And he was going to live up until the end.
“When I found my brother sick, I picked him up and said, ‘You’re coming with me. We’re gonna live the rest of your days together, and I won’t leave you. I’m gonna be there when you take your last breath.’”
Join us for this year's 33rd Annual Memorial Illumination featuring celebrations in both Charlottesville and Culpeper. As part of these celebrations, we invite you to sponsor a light in memory of, or in honor of, someone special.
